Saturday, May 21, 2005

 

Report From the Trenches

A small-scale counter-insurgency campaign that I have been waging in my apartment has suffered some recent setbacks, due to my hectic work schedule.

A list of the most significant casualties follows:

Apparently, in my absence, a "junk-mail" bomb exploded on my dining table.

My bedroom chair was recently targeted by a "dirty-laundry" bomb. An unintended consequence of this attack is that it has virtually obliterated the pre-existing damage caused by an unsightly shoe-bomb explosion.

A particularly insidious local rebel has detonated another one of her infamous "stinky-litter-box" devices. But I believe I have the enemy in my sights and anticipate an imminent victory for my anti-terrorist forces. Hmmm . . . here she is now . . . try to act naturally, and don't be disarmed by her "look at my cute, fluffy tummy" strategy.

A scouting expedition into the kitchen reveals the most disconcerting development so far. It seems that a highly organized, dangerous cell of suicide terrorists has invaded this extremely vulnerable region. By all indications, they are an outgrowth of an earlier group that I mistakenly believed had been decimated by one of my dreaded biological weapons. I now suspect that the survivors of that attack have been laying low, developing techniques to counter-act some of the more conventional extermination technologies. I will almost certainly need to engage an outside specialist to suppress this new wave of radicals.

Lawgirl signing out.
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